~Upset~
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Im upset :(.
Ok, so today in Color & Graphic class, we had to show our individual work to our teacher, Ivan. The one's who had shown him the work, were able to go home first. So because of the 'can go home first' alot of people started queing up in a mess. Normally, I would take a marker and write down the names of the people in order so as to lessen the mess. Today, just like any other day, I did. It happens that I forgot to include one of the name in the list.
The list I wrote was:
1. www
2. yyy
3. zzz
4. xxx
The list was suppose to go as:
1. www
2. xxx
3. yyy
4. zzz
Actually, it was my mistake as I didnt hear www telling me to write xxx's name below her's. So in the end, I was in a tight situation. If I were to tell yyy to step down a step coz xxx was to be in her place, then it would hurt yyy. But if i didn't tell yyy, www would be mad at me (coz she was the one who asked me to put xxx's name below her's. :X. What a situation. In the end I didnt do anything and www was upset with me. I felt so bad. And I still am. I don't enjoy hurting others, but but but....
Haiz... This sucks man.
Im sory www. I really am. I'll try to be more attentive from now on, I promise.
What a wrong foot to start off.
I hate being held in these horrid positions. Remember Mr Christophers "Rule Book"? I always had to get signatures from all the teachers and after school, I have to run all around the building to search for him. And I have to hold the class in while finding him. And if I don't find him fast enough, I have to face a mob of angry students. And to add to that, if Mr Christopher wasn't satisfied with the statics, he'd ask me to point out the people who talked during lessons. Its like turning me against my own friends. And if I were to point out those who talked, their reaction would be. "I where got talk?!". Tell me, what was I suppose to do? And to add to this EVEN MORE, my own CLOSE friends would try to get off easy with me by saying, "Naz, we have somewhere to go, do you mind if you don't tell?" What was I suppose to do? And if I don't point out who talked, Mr Christopher would be mad at me. There was a time where Joshua &/or Jeremiah told his elder brother (who was studying in the same school, i forgot his name) that I was the one causing him &/or them to stay back after school, he called me a Bitch. So there, I try to help Mr Christopher and the class and what do I get? A name Bitch. That morning when I heard him call me a bitch, I thought that was the last straw. I went running down to the staff office almost in tears to tell Mr Christopher that I wanted to QUIT and that he could give the stupid book to someone else. He didn't let me. WAS I LEFT WITH ANY OTHER FUCKIN CHOICE?! I try to do this and that for people, I end up geting hurt. They think I enjoy calling out names and asking them to stay back. I DON'T OK? Im not a sadistic mad person who enjoys that, YOU UNDERSTAND?!
Maybe I should just back off. It's not a must for me to the board queue-thing. I just did it out of my own initiative. Initiative. Thats what this is all about. I'll just shut that hole in my face and let things be as they are. I am, afterall, making things worst. So why bother.
www, Im really really really sorry. I really didnt know what to do. I admit, it wasmy fault. Im sorry. :(
...torn-apart
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;; Naz aka [G.o.a.T]
;; 16 going on 17
;; Scorpio
;; Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts (Nafa)
;; Ist Year Fashion Marketing & Merchandising Student